Moving & Stress

Well, I guess it’s finally time for us to move into the beautiful old house we bought. Even though I am very overwhelmed when I think about how this is all going to happen (the packing, the moving, the unpacking) when I’m still stuck in a phase of life that doesn’t even guarantee that I’ll get a shower every day, it appears that the time has come. This is the week. We’re moving.

Thankfully, we have our apartment for another 2.5 weeks, so we don’t have a tight deadline. But it’s been getting crazy with all the back and forth between here and there. It’s about a 15-20 minute drive and there are many things to be done at the new house, so poor Seth has worn a pretty good trail between here and there. It will be a relief when we can finally both be there all the time (rather than trying to set up appointments to be there to meet various plumbers, garage builders, tree removers, appliance delivery people, etc.). So we’re moving.

My parents have come up from Nashville to help us move this week. This weekend, we’ll have some help from friends to move over the big, heavy things. And, supposedly, we’ll be “living” at that house when Monday morning arrives. Because, you know, we’re moving.

Meanwhile: I am stressed. Nursing is still not going well. In the beginning, when things were painful and hard, a lactation consultant showed me a graph that had to do with the effort you had to put into breastfeeding vs. the time and effort of bottling feeding. The gist of it was that around 5 weeks, all my efforts were going to start to pay off and this whole business of breastfeeding would be easy and breezy. I’d feed on the go, anywhere, anytime, no problem. Mother and baby, happy in intimate moments of blissful nursing.

Um. Not my experience. It’s been ten horribly hard weeks of struggles, one after the other. There have been many distinct challenges (pain, latching issues, low milk supply, fore milk/hind milk imbalance) but the current (and perhaps biggest problem overall) is a slow let down (when milk is released). I won’t bore you with all the gory details, but here are a few: after Allie nurses for about two minutes, the milk stops flowing for 8 to 10 minutes until I have another let down. That’s 8 to 10 minutes of a hungry kid screaming her sweet head off in frustration and hunger; 8 to 10 minutes of a stressed out mom, trying to relax and be serene enough to allow my body to welcome another let down reflex. Eventually the let down comes and gives Allie about 1 to 2 minutes of milk. And then: no more milk again. Screaming. Process repeats over the course of an hour or more. Seven times a day. It’s hugely frustrating for both of us.

When it doesn’t go well (which is most of the time), I usually give her a bottle of previously expressed milk to help her get enough to eat. The good news is that she’s gaining weight well in spite of all this. The bad news is that I’m losing my mind and patience and will to go on. We’re taking steps to help this (buying an electric pump, giving her more bottles, looking into a supplemental nursing system), but meanwhile, I’m stressed. And plain sick of this whole ordeal of nursing. I’m really trying to stick it out, but it’s harder by the day. More stressful. And did I mention that we’re moving?

Anyway, I would appreciate your prayers, specifically along these lines: that my let downs would be more frequent, that Allie and I would be patient in waiting for them, that I would have enough milk, that I will have wisdom about what to do about this whole fiasco, that I might find some clear answers and how to proceed, that I’ll be able to relax and go with the flow (pun anyone?), and that I’ll figure out how to start enjoying this phase of life rather than being so worn down by it. And that the move will go well and that I won’t be too stressed out by the chaos and disorganization that tends to go along with moving all your possessions (or, rather, having other people pack & move them).

There are a lot of bright sides, however. This kid has definitely inherited by sleeping genes. She slept 8 hours last night! Brilliant! Naps during the day are still hit or miss, but I’m so glad that I’m at least getting rest. She’s a smiley, adorable, wonderful little girl and I really, really enjoy her. I wish we didn’t spend so many hours a day in mutual frustration, but I keep reminding myself that this is just a phase.

I also have the help and prayers and encouragement of friends and family, and that means a lot. I’m sharing all of this because I do appreciate your prayers and I know they make a difference. I’ll keep you posted as I can. Meanwhile: on with the move!