More about that Crush

I don't usually blog every day. So if you're just checking in for the first time this week, you'll want to start at the beginning so that this makes sense. For the rest of you, thanks for letting me rant a little. It helps. It feels like I'm essentially in the situation of having gone on ONE blind date and now I'm trying to decide if I want to get married. And that is very crazy. How can you possibly know so fast? Which, by the way, is ironic because the very first time Seth and I had a DTR ("define the relationship" talk where he said he was interested in being more than friends who sent each other increasingly long, funny, cute emails and hung out in groups), I looked at him and knew, just knew, deep down in my guts that I was going to marry him. Even though I didn't consciously let myself believe something that crazy (because, in the moment, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to officially begin dating), I really did know that he was the one for me. And wow, was that ever the right decision! So what I'm saying is that there is precedence for me deciding to get married way too early. So to speak. Anyway, we still have a lot more to find out about this bachelor before we decide if we're going to give him a rose (just to throw in another analogy). The good news is we're going on a second date tomorrow. We're hoping to see it again with fresh eyes (hopefully not so star-filled), take some good pictures, think with a level head, and hopefully find out more information/background from the seller's agent (who would be what in the dating analogy? The best friend? The coworker who's known him for years? The person who arranged the blind date?). But, to again compare this to my relationship with Seth, there was a huge risk involved in deciding to get married. It could either be the best decision of my whole life, or the worst. And I had peace deep in my bones that it was the right decision. There was also a lot of confirmation (through my parents in particular, but also from many other sources, big and small). So now we're faced with another huge risk: buying this house could mean finding a dream home that turns out to be not only a great place to live, but also a great investment (it certainly seems to have that potential). But it could also be a huge mistake: what if the total cost of things it needs exceeds what we can afford? And what can we even afford in a slumping economy with a baby on the way and all kinds of unknowns ahead? And what if Seth were to lose his job (which we don't expect to happen, but you just never know)? And what if there is something turned up in an inspection that sound minor but turns out to be major once we've made the purchase? So what we need here is to be patient, to pray, to gather more information, and to wait for confirmation. It's hard. Every time I feel excited and "up," I think, "God, is this you giving me peace and telling me it's a good decision?" and every time I feel scared and "down," I think, "God, is this you not giving me peace and telling me it's bad?" And then I remember that I need to settle down and stop treating God like a magic 8-ball. I realize that buying a house is something to keep in perspective, so a little less freaking out is probably appropriate. So I'm going to try to calm myself down a little and work on the patience part. I can't say enough: thanks for your prayers. They do matter.